I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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