I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
