Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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