I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
When did angry sex become our thing?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
