Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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