i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
