Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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