i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
