Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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