the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
