how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
