My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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