it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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