Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
