I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
