Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
