He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
