Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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