We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
