Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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