How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
