i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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