i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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