GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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