She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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