She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
