I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
