I've blown a few things in my day
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
