Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
