Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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