I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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