This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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