You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
