this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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