Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
