I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
