What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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