Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
