I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
