Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
