butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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