When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
