I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
