he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
