DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Drake has all the answers
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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