I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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