Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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