I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
