You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
