If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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